Peaches
by AndImTheQueenOfSheba
Summary: If he showed up at the beach with peach guts all over his hands, people would assume they were brains. Jake didn't want to go to prison, that would be very bad for his career. Plus, he was about 99 percent sure Miley would never visit him. Jiley Onehsot


_**I honestly could care less about putting an a/n up here right now, but this is a oneshot, and therefore it is different from a random chapter in a multi-chapter fic. So I HAVE to say something.**_ _**So there, I said something. ANYWAY, I've reposted this story, along with fifty gagillion other ones.**_ _**Its not actually new. Well...it's newish...**_

_**ALSO, this story is based on one of the tiny little onshot songfic things that I did for the tagging game. Unfortunately, I deleted that, but lucky for you, I have the one this is based on. It's the part in italics.**_

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_He was finally going to tell her how he felt. Jake was going to go to her house, and he was going to knock on her door, and he was going to say, "Miley. I love you, and I've changed, for you." He would even scream it, if her dad wasn't there. He was actually going to do it. He was even walking down the street, her street, where he would find her house. Her house with it's garage, and it's windows, and the door. Even the peach tree in the front yard._

When Jake got to her house, nobody was there. The driveway was empty, the curtains were drawn. Obviously, Miley wasn't there.

Jake decided that he would wait for her. This was important, was it not? He could end up spending the rest of his life with this girl. He would spend the rest of his life with this girl.

So Jake sat under the peach tree in her front yard, for a full two hours, waiting, picking peaches off the low hanging branches.  
She wouldn't care. Peaches were of no importance when it came to fate.

Another day, another peachy mess. Jake had sat under that stupid peach tree for the third time, and she still wasn't home. There were hardly any peaches left! She must be avoiding him. But who would avoid Jake Ryan? He only wished that more people would avoid him. One of these days, while Jake was taking a walk, those crazy fans were going to follow him in their cars too closely, and the second he dropped his pen (although he wasn't sure why he'd have a pen while on a walk) and bent down to pick it up, he'd be run over. Jake Ryan's guts would soon be a new attraction somewhere. He could practically see the sign. "On this spot Jake Ryan was annihilated by a Jeep. Please don't step in his guts"

Miley had to be crazy though. Everybody else followed him around. Everybody else stalked him. She was crazier than the stalkers! He didn't care if she was crazy though. He'd gladly visit her in her insane asylum. Their kids would be raised there! It might be a bad idea to raise kids there though...crazy people might stick their crazy hands through the bars in their crazy cells and choke poor, sane, Jake Jr. to death. Unless crazy people weren't kept in cells. Maybe they let them run loose! That would be horrible! Jake Jr. would certainly be run over by crazy people, just like his dad. Maybe Jake could talk to the people in charge of the place. He should find out their views on house arrest...Jake didn't care if Miley was crazy though. He'd gladly lock her in his house and let her be crazy safely.

Thinking over the last possibility made Jake question his sanity. Maybe he should be the one in an insane asylum...He should think of something more probable than insanity.

Vacation maybe? Was she on vacation? He should ask somebody. Maybe he could ask Lilly. She was probably down at the beach, she was there all the time. He would ask her, she would know.

First, however, he would wash his hands. If he showed up at the beach with peach guts all over his hands, people would assume they were brains, and they'd throw him in prison for murder. Jake didn't want to go to prison, that would be very bad for his career. Plus, he was about ninety nine percent sure that Miley would never visit him in prison, even if it was only for squishing peaches that weren't his and failing to wash the mush off of his hands.

So Jake washed his hands. He didn't use soap though, because the soap in his bathroom had little green specks in it. The little green specks reminded Jake of spinach, and he hated spinach. As long as he didn't have to play Popeye some day, Jake didn't plan on coming anywhere near spinach. Everybody kept insisting that it wasn't spinach, and Jake figured that it probably was a little stupid to think that anybody would put such a disgusting vegetable in soap, but he refused to use the green soap all the same.

Once his hands were as clean as he could get them, using only water, Jake put on a peach guts-free pair of shoes, his brilliant hat and sunglasses disguise, and headed for the beach. Just as he had suspected, Lilly was sitting on a bar stool at Rico's, talking to Miley's brother. There was an empty stool next to her, so Jake sat in it.  
"Hey Jake." Lilly and Jackson greeted in unison.

"What! How did you know it was me?"

"Man, that's a horrible disguise. Stevie Wonder would know it's you." Jackson told him, as he tossed a water bottle to the bald man standing behind Lilly.

"What's so special about Stevie Wonder? Why would he be able to figure it out?" Lilly asked, confused.  
"He's blind, Lilly."

"He is not!" Lilly exclaimed, surprised.

"He is, remember, he wears those dark sunglasses."

"Well maybe he'd be able to see if he took them off." Lilly replied.

"He wears them because he's blind. He can't see, okay?" Jackson muttered, frustrated, just as Rico climbed over the counter and started bossing him around.

"Okay...So Jake, what are you doing at the peach?"

"What, peach? Did you say peach? I didn't touch any peaches." Jake shot back, guiltily.

"No...I said beach. Not peach." Lilly stated, looking at him like she too thought he was insane.

"Oh...well, I came to ask you a question. About Miley."

"Okay, shoot." Lilly said, sticking the straw from the cup in front of her in her mouth.

"Shoot what?"

"Just ask the question, okay?" Jackson told Jake, making his eavesdropping known.

"Don't you have a job to do?"

"Yes! He does! Unfortunately, he can't peach the counter any more than I can!" The little boss replied, proving that listening in on other people's conversations was a Rico's requirement.

"What, peach? Why are you guy's so obsessed with peaches?" Jake asked, nervously.

"Did you forget to take your medicine or something this morning?" Rico asked, looking at him with a strange expression on his face.

"Dang it, not again." Jake muttered to himself as he remembered forgetting to take the vitamin his mother usually shoved down his throat every morning.

"Your question?" Lilly asked, getting impatient.

"Oh! Yeah, my question. So where's Miley? I haven't seen her in a while." He asked.

"She's still visiting family back in Tennessee. They like her so much better than me..." Jackson muttered.

"What are you, a CIA operative?" Jake asked, referring to Jackson's spying.

"So what if I am?" He shot back.

"He's upset because they sent him back early."

"It is so not my fault that Scooby fell off the roof! He's naturally unbalanced! Unbalanced I tell you!"

"Alright...She get's back tomorrow though, if you were wondering.

"Umm. Yes. Thank you." Jake said to Lilly, before standing up. "And, uh...goodbye!" He left the beach in a hurry, wondering why nobody, including him, could seem to act sane lately.

He was right about the vacation though, that possibility had made the most sense out of all of them, and it was right. Now he just had to wait for her to get back, which could possibly take a while. Maybe she would decide that she missed Tennessee too much, and stay there for the rest of her life. She'd buy a house and plant spinach in the front yard, just to keep Jake away. She probably thought he was stalking her. Maybe that was why she went on this so-called "vacation." Thinking about how anxious and mentally unbalanced he'd been lately, Jake decided that he probably would've gone on vacation too, just to get away from himself.

When he got home, Jake's mom tried to force her grocery list on him, without much success.

"I don't want to! I'll get ambushed by a herd of fans and get run over with a shopping cart! Do you really want that on your conscious?"

"Jake. Wear the hat and sunglasses, and nobody will recognize you."

"Yeah right! Even Stevie Wonder would know it's me!" Mrs. Ryan stared at her son for a moment, and blinked.

"Jake, nobody would expect you to be there, just go, please."

"Fine. But just so you know, I'm gonna lay down in the middle of the isle and get run over."

"Jake, quit being such a baby, and go."

"Fine." Jake finally agreed. When he was halfway to the door, Mrs. Ryan called,

"Do you have your license?"

"...Yes." Jake responded, before sneaking back into the kitchen while she wasn't looking and slipping his license off the counter and into his pocket.

Once he was inside the store, Jake finally took out the grocery list.

"Peaches! You've got to be kidding me!" He shouted, earning himself several stares, when he read the first thing on the list.

He reluctantly grabbed a shopping cart, like it was some repulsive object that would burn his skin, and took off towards the fruit.

He shoved a bunch of peaches into a bag, not bothering to see if they were fresh or not, and tossed them into the cart. Glad that that was over with, Jake found his way around the store, looking for Milk, eggs, butter, bacon, cheese, vitamins, hamburger and bread.

Once he found all of them, glad that his mother hadn't added tampons, or something equally disgusting and un-manish, to the list, Jake hurried to the closest checkout lane, and put everything on the conveyor belt, the peaches last. When the clerk went to ring up the peaches, he stopped, and looked up at Jake.

"Are you sure you want these peaches?"

"Yes."

"You don't want some different ones? These are mushy."

"Well maybe I like my peaches mushy." Jake replied.

"Okay..." The clerk said, rolling her eyes as she rang them up.

Jake hurried out to his car, and put everything in the back seat, hiding the peaches under the bread, so he wouldn't see them when he turned around to look behind him when changing lanes.

"I probably should have gone myself." Mrs. Ryan admitted when she saw what all Jake had gotten.

"Did you run over the peaches with your car? They're practically flat."

"They are not! They're just a little mushy. They're perfectly fine." He said, picking one up and, to prove a point, taking a bite. His mother cringed when he did this, and started putting everything away, just so she didn't have to watch Jake eat the softened peach.

"Hmm. This is kind of good." Jake stated, and took another bite, on his way to the living room.

For the rest of the day, and the next morning, Jake sat in the living room, watching reruns while chowing down on the disgusting peaches.

By three in the afternoon, he decided to go see if Miley was home. If she wasn't, maybe he'd eat the peaches, instead of squishing them. It'd definitely make less of a mess. He didn't need Mr. Stewart to accuse him of defacing his yard.

Jake was happy to see that there was a car in the driveway, when he got to her house, and even happier to see that Miley was bent over the back seat of it. She pulled a suitcase out, set it on the driveway next to another one, brushed her hair back with her hand, and looked up.

"Oh, hey Jake. What are you doing here?" She asked, as she picked up both suitcases and started up the driveway, Jake in tow.

"I just, uh...wanted to talk to you. It's kind of important."

"Oh, alright." She said, setting the bags down and brushing her hair out of her face again. It was then that she saw the tree. A confused look came over her face, and expressed what she was thinking aloud.

"I wonder what happened to all of our peaches."


End file.
